I slowly open up one eye
Feel a pounding in my head
My mouth tastes like I ate my socks
Lord, I think I must be dead
There's something lying next to me
Got a hairy, ugly face
I saw her in a movie once
The thing from outer space
I see little creepy crawlers
In the corners of my eye
When I try to look at them
They flap their little wings and fly
I reach out for the nearest beer
It tastes as warm as pee
It's full of soggy old ciggy butts
But I only swallowed three
It was a crawling home puker that made me this way
A crawling home puker, now I gotta pay
I ain't no quitter, I'll party 'til the end
But if I live through this one, I 'll never do it again
I fall down upon my knees
Put my arms around the stool
I whisper to my toilet bowl
"Thanks for being so cool"
My stomach feels like Jell-O
My brains have turned to mush
My toilet's overflowing
I don't have the strength to flush
I got crusties on my eyeballs
And my teeth is growing hair
And I smell just like a beagle
When he's passing stinky air
I feel like death warmed over
And I think I got the runs
Then someone cracks a beer and says
"Hey, have a beer, you old son-of-a-gun!"
It was a crawling home puker that made me this way
A crawling home puker, now I gotta pay
I ain't no quitter, I'll party 'til the end
But if I live through this one, I 'll never do it again
